Down&Dirty Theology: God’s will

It’s something you don’t anticipate.

It’s something you never thought you’d do.

But when the time comes, you do it.

The sun wasn’t even up yet at 5:40 as we parked the van in the Wilson Garage at Riley Hospital.  We walked past the ER, pushed the “TWO” button in the glass elevator and checked in for Silas’ surgery.  We were ushered back to a waiting room where the nurse took all of Silas’ stats and double checked the laundry list of meds.  And then the time came…

Like I said, it’s something you don’t anticipate.  And it’s something you never thought you’d do, but when it comes time to hand your child to a complete stranger so they can sedate them and cut them…you do it.  You do it even though you have a knot in the pit of your stomach.  You do it even though you don’t want to.  It’s horrible, but…you just do it.

And here is the thing.  I have had numerous people say these types of things to me:

“I don’t know how someone could give up their child for adoption.  I could never do that.”

Or, “I don’t know how you take care of someone with all those special needs.  I could never do that.”

Maybe it’s true.   Maybe they couldn’t or wouldn’t, but I wonder if it’s just a case of context.  My parents said at one time that they would never live in a trailer.  However, when they had the chance to purchase 6 1/2 acres of prime, already developed land in Pennsylvania, but didn’t have the money to build a house, they decided to live in a trailer.  And the examples don’t end there…

…I’m pretty sure Abraham never dreamed that he would tie up his only son and sacrifice him to God.

…I don’t think Moses’ mother, Jochebed, ever dreamed she would leave her son in a basket in the huge Nile River.

…The prophet Samuel’s mother, Hannah, didn’t think she would have trouble getting pregnant and probably never even considered giving back her first born child to God.

…In more recent times, Jews during the Holocaust sent their children away knowing they would never see them again.  And everyday, birth-mothers who can’t raise their babies put them first by giving them a chance at a stable family.

“But I would never do THAT!”

I wonder.  I also wonder if God knew we would be wrestling with this issue and so gave us a word in James 4:13-15.  He says,

Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” ¹⁴ Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. ¹⁵ Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will,we will live and do this or that.”

This specific passage is about boasting, but the larger issue is that we have no idea what tomorrow will bring.  Our lives are “a mist” and it is only by the God’s will that we do this or that.  We have less control than we think we do.

I’ve realized the hard way, that making definitive statements about what I will or will not do in the future isn’t the best idea.  The reason is that many of the decisions we make, for better or for worse, are based on the situation at the time and the limited knowledge we have then.  None of us can say what we will or won’t do in the future because the Lord is in control.

Today, I swallowed that feeling in the pit of my stomach, kissed Silas on his curly hair and handed him to the nurse.  Now I don’t mean to say that my experience was the same as Abraham, Jochebed, Hannah, Jewish-parents during the Holocaust or birth-moms.  My experience was nothing like theirs because after two hours, I was ushered into the recovery room and saw my little, curly-haired boy softly sleeping off his anesthesia.  But it made my realize I should be careful before saying, “I would never do THAT!“

There are things we don’t anticipate.  There are things we never thought we’d do.  But when the time comes, we do them…trusting again that the Lord is in control.

More than Thankful for Hope

Every year around this time, people sit at a large table surrounded by friends and/or family and ruminate on the things they are  thankful for.  And this, I think, is a fine thing to do.  ”Very traditional,” one might say and also a way to realize how much God has already blessed us despite what we tend to think the rest of the year.  I too am thankful for my family, friends, a new mini-van and house, turkey induced sleep and foggy, fall days.  There are other things that I’m also thankful for, but in a different kind of way.  I’m thankful for things I don’t have to do…here is the short list…

1.  Because we only have to make 4 trips to Cleveland for Silas’ medical trial instead of 13 we will not have to drive the additional 4,365 miles over 72 hours costing around $675.00 in gas.

2.  I’m thankful that I didn’t have to paint my house trim, rake my leaves by myself, clean our house for the kid’s birthday party or make the 8 frozen meals downstairs in the freezer because other people from our church did that for us.  Wanting to help Silas and our family, they pitched in and gave.  I am humbled and thankful.

But beyond that, I’m thankful for hope today.  I’m thankful for hope that defies our “out-come based world”. And I guess I’m thinking about that because so many times my list on Thanksgiving is made up of things I have achieved or things I own.

But what happens when we have less this Thanksgiving than last Thanksgiving?

What happens when we pray for God to heal a loved one and they are not better or perhaps worse-off than before?

Has God stopped caring?

Has God stopped listening to our prayers?

This afternoon as I was driving home from a huge Thanksgiving meal where we stopped just short of the sin of gluttony, I was thinking about my son Silas who has lost quite a bit of ability in the last year.  I was also thinking and praying for a wonderful family who gathered this Thanksgiving knowing that it would most likely be the last one with their husband and father who is battling cancer.  And then I thought…have all of us been trying to win and simply lost?  Are these situations that are hopeless?

No, no and again no!

Hope transcends today’s suffering.  Hope transcends sin and death.  This is a basic belief for Christians.  The problem is this:  even though we claim Jesus, we act as if our prayers are magical spells and He should answer all our prayers.  But that’s not what he said is it?

He came with the name “Emmanuel”.  He said  that he would never leave us or forsake us.  So God is with us no matter what changes or what outcomes we wish for or what ideas we conceive about God.  He is with us.  This isn’t an academic statement for me.  God wasn’t just here for a time and has now left.  He is here now.  This is true and this is life and in this we have hope.  He hasn’t left us and my list at Thanksgiving is just one, small, little example of that.

And if all of that is true…maybe the goal of hope isn’t for everything to be perfectly resolved.

Maybe things won’t always be better this Thanksgiving than last as our out-come based culture assumes.

Maybe this requires a shift in our thinking.

Maybe instead of hoping for “deliverance from” our suffering we should have hope for “deliverance through” the suffering.  As one of my profs, Greg Wilde, has written,

…perhaps we are delivered from evil when, instead of avoiding it, we live through it with God and come out on the other side, shining.  There is hope in midst of suffering, not because it will be over some day, although certainly it will be, but because God is there in the midst of it, now.

So this holiday season, I’m more than thankful for hope…hope that lasts…hope that remains.  Yes, I’m thankful for hope.

**  Quote from Anchoring Faith, Hope, and Love in Today, By Gregory Wilde, Adjunct Professor, Robert E. Webber Institute for Worship Studies, July, 2008

Praying the Hours, the movie

In college, I got the chance to room with Matt Webb.

Right now, you’re thinking, “Matt Webb?  Have I heard of that guy?  Should I know him from somewhere?”

And the right answer is…maybe you don’t know him yet, but you should and soon, possibly, you will.  Now, Matt is an independent film-maker out in sunny LA working on projects that resonate with his heart and faith.  That means the films he works on probably won’t end up at the local RAVE theatre complex.  But, it does mean that the films he works on have a real message and creatively present characters who are dealing with life as it’s really lived.

PRAYING THE HOURS is the latest project.  The story goes like this…

Based on a true story, the Praying the Hours project is structured around the ancient practice of fixed-hour prayer observed by the Abrahamic faith traditions. By personifying each hour into a character, we tell the story of a 24-hour day as if the hours were a community of friends.  The main character, “Traveling Man” (our everyman) is hit by a car.  Over the time that he takes to cross over from this life into the next, he visits with each of eight friends and sees his own life anew from the lens of eternity—not as something that happens to you after you die, but as the river that flows under the surface of ordinary life.

The purpose of this ambitious project is to observe a life from the perspective of both chronos (clock time) and kairos (grace time) and to consider that time itself is a breviary—or book of prayer. If so, to ignore its daily, extravagant inspirations is to suffer misalignment with our deepest selves.

I am excited to have the chance to be apart of this project by giving a little cash in the hopes of seeing it when it’s done.  This is a chance to be apart of telling the better story and making something beautiful that stands as a beacon of hope in this war-torn world.

The other cool thing is that they will be filming part of the this project in January right here in northeast Indiana!  Until then,  you can check out the official website and consider giving at PRAYINGTHEHOURS.COM.

Down&Dirty Theology: As you go

Our family got medical check-ups last week.  No cause for alarm.  These were normal check-ups for normal people.  But as I was getting my blood drawn, I mentioned to the nurse some of the issues Silas faces.  Now whenever this comes up, I usually give people a general answer.  I don’t go into all the details.  If I do, I can see the eyes of the person I’m talking to start to glaze over as they are overwhelmed with the difficulty of the situation…

“I understand where you’re coming from,” said the nurse, Sue.

“You mean because you’re in the medical field?” I asked.

“No,” she said, “because my son was also adopted.  And at three years old, he was diagnosed with a brain tumor.  We went in the week before to get a pre-surgery MRI.  It was raining and I had to pull over on the drive home because I was crying too hard.  You’ll appreciate this, being a pastor,” she said, “but I told HIM that I couldn’t do this anymore and I needed HIM to help me.  I drove home and later that night the doctor called.  He told me he had been studying the MRI since that morning and unbelievably, there was no sign of the tumor.”

“That’s amazing,” I said, “God can heal through medicine or with a miracle like that when He chooses.  I know.”

“Yeah,” she replied, “Except that he’s 12 now and the left side of his brain has slowed down and we don’t know why.”

That’s a hard conversation.

Last weekend, Jeff Bleijerveld challenged us to plug into God’s heart for the world overseas and next door.  This weekend Pastor Kent will jump off from that and challenge us to not miss the opportunities right here.  As he wrote in the E-note today,

I spend way more of my time here in my little corner of the world, but I find it way too easy to sit back and wait to share my faith until I’m in someone else’s corner of the world.

This is where you and I live.  And we are all going somewhere in our little corner:  the grocery store, work, the park down the street, the coffee shop, church, a friend’s house, the in-laws…somewhere…anywhere.

Now there are many of us who don’t envision that the place we are going is the “land of the sick”.  We want to stay in the “land of the healthy”.  We don’t want to use that other passport that gives us citizenship to the “land of sick”.  But, that might be where you are right now.  That’s were we are.  I didn’t want to be here, but this is where God has lead us.  And living here in this parallel universe of the “land of the sick” has taught me a couple things.

• First, reaching out and sharing your story when you’re in midst of pain is a testimony to God’s strength in weakness and His reality in the world now.  This isn’t something we just do on Sunday.  This is life.
• Secondly, we don’t just need healing.  What we really need is God’s presence.  I am praying for God to heal Silas, but I’ve also started to pray just as earnestly that his name would be written in the Lamb’s Book of Life.  How will it help him if he gets healing for his body and gains everything only to lose his own soul?

Before Sue left our house, I shared how hard it is to watch Silas struggle to hold his own head up…how hard it is to watch him have seizures everyday.  But I also shared that we know this is God’s plan for His life and we know are apart of the redemptive story.  We are apart of Jesus’ answer to this problem that was brought on by sin.  We are apart of finding whatever medicine we can find for him.  We are apart of praying for his miraculous healing, if God wills.  We are apart of sharing the good news with him about Jesus and his sacrifice.  And we are trusting that God’s wisdom is bigger than our own and his strength is stronger.  As 1 Corinthians 1:23-25 says,

…we preach Christ crucified: a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, but to those whom God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God.  For the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength.  

I’m not sure what Sue thought about our story.  But, I am praying for her son.  I would ask that you pray for him too.  And wherever you go, whether it’s the “land of the healthy” or the “land of the sick”, tell the story God has given you…that’s down & dirty theology.

Down&Dirty Theology: Jesus, man of sorrows

Today I met with a friend from our church who is currently out of work. We were talking about what we are learning: him through this experience and me with my son. As I shared, I said that I wasn’t mad about the situation, but did feel a deep sorrow. I am sad. Sad about the curse of sin not only on Silas, but on everyone who is out of work, going through divorce, in a broken relationship, or having financial problems…you name it…

But then I take comfort that I am not alone. The King James Version says

Jesus was “…a Man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief…”

We see him weep a number of times over death, unbelief and sin. We also see him on the cross crying out, “My God, my God why have you forsaken me?” A cry of separation from the Son of God to Father God. Jesus knew pain and suffering and it made him sad… But with all the pain Jesus experienced, and I’m sure it was much greater than anything I have faced, that moment of separation from God was the most painful.

Through this experience with Silas, I’m realizing that we are not separated from our God even when it feels like he is far way.  Even then, God is with us.  His very name is “Emmanuel, God with us” and he is here with his always and forever, never giving up love and kindness. I don’t experience that presence like a warm blanket or a indescribable peace. I wish I did, but I don’t.  Instead, I see God’s presence in so many ways…his provision for us of a new mini-van to transport the whole family and the necessary equipment…that God placed us together as a family to care for each other…for friends who baby-sit…for a chance to share life and celebrate God outside over lunch…and the list goes on and on…he is with us.

With me.

With you.

The other side of Jesus’ sorrow was that it had a purpose.

…[Let us fix] our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross…Hebrews 12:2

He knew that there was an ultimate JOYFUL end so he hung on and endured. He knew that salvation would come through his death. He knew that new life…eternal life…would come through his death.  At the end of time, we know that “He will wipe every tear from their eyes.” I am looking forward to that moment. I am looking forward to it because it means that death will no longer divide loved ones, bodies will no longer be broken, relationships will be made new, cancer will no longer exist, Silas’ mitochondria will work perfectly, death will die and sin conquered. On THAT DAY, we will see Jesus, the man of sorrows, and He will wipe away all tears as he makes all things new.

Hallelujah! What a Savior, posted with vodpod

Down&Dirty Theology: God’s Love vs. Satan’s Hate

Continuing the DOWN&DIRTY THEOLOGY, I want to hit something basic.  At least, I see it as basic:  love and hate.  And that is basic for me because of my son, Silas.  As I said last week, because of sin he has Leigh’s disease.  You could also say because of Satan’s hate he has Leigh’s disease…but because of the love of God, he is apart of our family.

But this face off didn’t start there.  It started before the Fall with the cosmic battle between God/Light/Love and Satan/Darkness/Hate.  The most famous bible verse in all the bible addresses this.  But before we get there, let’s do a quick speed-through the bible to see what we find out about God’s love and Satan’s hate…

First off, part of the Lord’s very name is “slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness. (Exodus 34:6)  

He has made a “covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commandments.” (Deuteronomy 7:9)  And you can find similar statements about God’s “covenant of love” in Joshua, Chronicles, Kings and Nehemiah.  Moving on, the Psalms tell us that…

God’s unfailing love is priceless (Psalm 36:7)  and is directed towards us so much so that he sings over us at night.(Psalm 42:8)  Not only that, he listens to our prayers because He loves us (Psalm 66:20) and that love will endure forever! (Psalm 136:26)

Sometimes we may doubt God’s love and ask, “How have you loved us?” (Malachi 1:2)  ”But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8)  So much so that nothing, Nothing, NOTHING can separate us from that love (Romans 8:39)  In fact, we are now loved like God’s very own, adopted children.  That is what we are! (1 John 3:1)

And that brings us to the most famous verse in the bible.  You know it, right?…John 3:16

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

But there is a flip side.  Almost as much as God loves us, Satan hates us.

Satan deceived us in the Garden ushering sin and death into God’s perfect world. (Genesis 3:4)

He afflicted Job, asked to sift Peter like wheat and continues to do so when he can. (Job 2:7)  He continually accuses us of all our sin and shame rubbing it in our faces. (Zechariah 3:1)  And if that wasn’t enough, he still comes and snatches away the gospel message from any person who hears it when he can (Matthew 13:19) leading them astray. (Revelation 12:9)

Now all of this is terrible, so he tries to go undercover as an “angel of light” (2 Corinthians 11:14) and also “blocks” those who believe. (1 Thessalonians 2:18)  He isn’t able to control or posses those who are children of God, but he does control the whole world (1 John 5:19) and because of that, the world hates us. (John 15:18)

Yes. Satan hates you.  While I don’t like the use of profanity, in this case it just might apply.  I would go so far as to say that while God so loved the world, Satan (insert profanity here) the world.  Now at this point, you may be starting to feel the darkness closing in and wonder if there is hope.

There is always hope.  Remember…Jesus has overcome the world and the greatest of these…is love.

Down&Dirty Theology: the Fall

As we have walked through this journey with Silas, many people have said some variation of this phrase.  ”We don’t know why these things happen…”  I understand what they mean, but I don’t think it’s entirely accurate for a believer to say that, in my opinion.  In fact, as we’ve walked through this journey with Silas, there are a number of things people have said that don’t jive with my understanding of God, the world or our situation.  So over the next weeks, months and year, I’m going to share a little DOWN&DIRTY THEOLOGY.  This week’s serving of God-talk is on the Fall…

Here’s my problem:  when we say things like, “We just don’t know why these things happen…” it sounds like everything is a game of fate and if we get the wrong role of the dice then we get cancer or our son an incurable disease.  We are just pawns on the chess-board of life trying to avoid the random lightning strikes or “Go to jail” cards.  Now, we might be able to say, “We don’t understand why God allowed this to happen…” because Job struggled with that one.  In fact, scripture says that…

we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose    -Romans 8:28

So at that point, it’s more a question of HOW these hards things work together for our good, not why the happen.  Which brings us back to the original point…why DO these things happen?  One word for you.  sin.

Back at the beginning of the world as we know it, the serpent/Satan tempted Eve and then Adam to disobey God.  He said,

“Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?”

The answer to that question is “YES!”  In Genesis 2 God said,

You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die and get cancer and Leigh’s disease and experience divorce and wrinkles and warts and tumors and all other kinds of bad stuff!

Now that’s obviously the SAM translation, but you get the point.  God did say that we would die.  So when we get cancer and our son’s incurable diseases we shouldn’t say, “We don’t understand why this is happening.”  We know it’s because of the curse of sin.  God said that apart from His plan for our lives, we would die.  As I suggested earlier, a better question might be, “Why is God allowing this to happen?”  But that is a post for another time…